i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
