All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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