Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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