it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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