i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
