I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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