if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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