Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
