names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
