I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
