making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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