I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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