i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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