I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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