Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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