I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
