HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
