My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
