I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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