We're facebook friends in real life
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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