I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
