It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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