I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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