I want to have your abortion
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
