I want to make a zoo with you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
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