I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
