Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
