She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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