i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
