Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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