I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
a search helicopter?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
