WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
