There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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