dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
