i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
