Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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