I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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