woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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