I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
