There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
