I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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