just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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