wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
