And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
