i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
