Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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