Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
