so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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