Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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