wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
