I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize