remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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