I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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