once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
