Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
