If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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