I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
