i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
