Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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