I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
