So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
