How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
