I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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