After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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