Me too!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
