i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
