Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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