sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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