Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
