Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
