went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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