i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
