Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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