this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
