you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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