Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
