Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i've created a new STD.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
