So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
one two three fourrrrnication!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
