bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
