yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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