So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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