I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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