I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
